Posted in 2017, Outreachy, Random

Am I a fraud?

Imposter Syndrome is described as a feeling of “phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement”. While these people “are highly motivated to achieve”, they also live in fear of being ‘found out’ or exposed as frauds. (Clance and Imes, 1978)

Recently, I had this wonderful opportunity to participate in the Mozilla All Hands, 2017. There was an Imposter Syndrome workshop for Outreachy participants and here are the session highlights. The workshop was led by Lizz Noonan from the Diversity and Inclusion team, and we learned techniques to identify and overcome the Imposter Syndrome.

We were aproximately 12 participants and Lizz started the session with an introduction to the Imposter Syndrome. We were then asked to introduce ourselves and also to state ‘one thing you didn’t know looking at me‘! In my case, “I turned 30” 😉

Imposter Syndrome is the belief or the feeling that you are a fraud! It often starts with ‘I can’t do this‘ or ‘Can I do this‘?! Lizz cited examples from noted women – Maria Klawe, President of Harvey Mudd College, Cherry Murray, former Dean of the Harvard School of Engineering and Applied Sciences, stating how they too have been bitten by this bug.

Imposter Syndrome disproportionally affects women, so it is something of which we should be especially aware. This wasn’t the first time that I was hearing about Imposter Syndrome; I have heard and read articles about this in the past. What I didn’t realise until this workshop is that I too have been silently affected by this bug.

After a brief explanation about this syndrome, we were asked to share our experiences. When it was my turn to share my Imposter Syndrome experience, I realised why I have always (and still I am) been reluctant to asking questions in public?! There have been numerous times when I have had framed a question in mind, and then wondered to myself that this could be the most stupid question to be asked, felt shy to pop it out of my head, and then hear someone else ask the exact (or similar) question and get applauded for asking the best question. Sigh! This still hasn’t boosted confidence in me to ask a question the next time. At a technical workshop, slack discussion, PR comments, I feel too naive to ask any question.

This workshop made me realise that this behaviour of mine is because of the fear in me of being exposed as a ‘fraud‘.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

  • You get the feeling of an impostor when your competence is questioned all the time – “Did you get into this program because you are a woman?
  • Often, you feel like an imposter because people treat you like one.
  • People act surprised when you are good.
  • There is this ‘prove -it-again‘ bias.
  • And ‘lower your ambitions‘ thing.

What is the result from the above?

  • We waste time over-preparing
    • In my case, instead of asking a question, I go and dig every possible source to help me find the answer myself.
  • We settle for less money (salary).

How do we prevent this?

  • Share your failures
  • Doc doc doc (doc = document, you don’t need to see a doctor :))
  • Tell your story (This is my story)

After sharing our experiences, our next exercise was to ‘Take a Compliment” and say “Thank You” for the compliment. We were divided into groups to exchange compliments and thank you notes. We often receive compliments but the imposter in us stops us from saying a thank you.

Lizz shared her own experience of making a log of all the thank you notes she receives and how it helps her when she is low.

Thank you Lizz for this great workshop! I have spoken to my Outreachy mentor Stephanie Ouillon about my reluctancy in asking questions and she has come up with a nice way to help me be confident in asking questions. So the plan is whenever I am not sure to ask a question during our weekly team meetings, I first shoot the question to her and get the boost to ask it to the whole team. We have our weekly meetings every Tuesday, today is Sunday, let’s hope for the best 😉

Posted in 2017, Lightbeam, Outreachy, Random

Lightbeam – Behind the scenes

It’s more than 2 weeks now. I haven’t had the time to write anything down. So here’s a quick post on what’s happening!

San Fransisco – Mozilla All Hands 2017

Before

The week of June 26 – 30 was Mozilla All Hands 2017 at San Fransisco. It was my first time into the United States and I was pretty excited about this trip. After a tiring 11 + 3 hour long haul flight, when I presented my Mozilla invitation letter at the immigration, the border security officer at the SFO airport was excited to find out that I too was attending the All Hands. It appeared to me that he already processed other fellow attendees and he knew about it. His cheerfulness made me forget my tiredness and I had a warm welcome into the city. With the kind of ongoing news and rules about US airport security, I was too paranoid. But everything went smooth, from gaining B1 visa, carrying laptop in hand baggage and the security clearance itself.

During

The All Hands itself was a great experience. I and Bianca came up with a timeline of the next tasks that we could work on for until the internship period. Our main focus is to improve the graph performance. The idea is to use canvas instead of SVG. Here is an article I have written why canvas is a better choice.

After

I did a bit of sight-seeing at SFO via the big-bus tour.

One week at SFO was great. I wish to go back and explore more of the city at some other time.

Berlin – Home, away from home

Store

store is an integral component of Lightbeam. We use asynchronous message passing for communications between the background and page scripts. Our mentor Jonathan helped us a lot with code improvements on this store.

Visualisations

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Lightbeam graph using D3 force layout
28042023-6cee9a36-6580-11e7-8de5-5089702ae68c
Node overlap/colliding bug

I have used D3 in the past, but D3’s force layout algorithm is new to me. We are able to draw the Lightbeam graph using this algorithm, but there are so many more things to learn. I am sure, over the coming weeks our graph would see significant improvements.

This week I am working on to fix the node overlap/colliding issue and to get a canvas prototype for D3’s force layout.

Quite exciting times with Lightbeam 🙂